Biggest Challenge of 2013

We sure have had a lot going on the last few months with moving into a small apartment while remodeling our house and opening up the third bicycle shop.  My company also moved office locations several miles apart the first week of January.  That's enough to stress any family.  However, on January 3rd, I received news that would change the direction we thought 2013 would take.  I was told that I had breast cancer.  Without too much detail, I went for my mammogram (and was due anyway) after learning that Grandma Filla had Stage IV breast cancer.  I did not think anything of it when they wanted me to come back for an ultrasound and then a biopsy because this has all happened before...and I was clear.  However, this time, the news was not what I was expecting.  My doctor said that I had ductal carcinoma and was likely Stage II by the size of the tumor. 

After many doctor appointments, second opinions and multiple tests, we determined the best course of action for us (this was not only affecting me but my family as well including Collin) was to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction on March 6th.  We did tell Collin that I was to have surgery to get rid of the nasty bugs that would hurt Mommy if they did not come out.  While I stayed in the hospital for five days, he was to stay with friends that would help him get to and from school and his after school activities.  His only question was whether the surgery would hurt and I told him that it would a little but that I would not cry plus the doctors would make sure I was OK.  That was that.  He seemed to happily help me pack up his clothes for the next few days and wanted to know several times where was he staying and what days. 

He did visit me in the hospital on a day that I was doing much better (day 3).  We thought this was a good idea so that he would see that Mommy was feeling good but that he needed to really help Daddy take care of me.  We he first saw me, he stayed really close to Daddy.  He then walked over to the foot of the bed and wanted to know all about the things on my legs that where squeezing my calves periodically.  He gave me a kiss and held my hand.  Then, it was time to go so it would not be too overwhelming for him.

When I got home, Collin was GREAT at being gentle around me and taking care of me.  When I needed to nap, he would bring me some of his stuffed animals to help me sleep.  He also would not sit in the chair we brought to the apartment for me to recover in because "this is Mommy's sick chair".  I got lots of hugs and kisses from him.  He was also good about not asking me over and over if I would play with him because he could see that I could not move very well.  Once, I caught him walking like me and he said that I walked liked Grandma Filla because I was walking slow and hunched over for the first week.

The next week, he was ready for me to start playing with him because I was moving around faster, standing up straighter and feeling better but there was no way I had the energy to play with him.  I still had five drains coming out of my body and stitches and staples that still had not been removed yet.  He just did not see most of this because I was able to keep it hidden mainly so the drains would not get caught on anything. 

Daddy and Mommy are not sleeping as well these days not only because of the surgery  but also because of being in the apartment, things on our mind, etc.  Collin has slept well through all of this and only one night woke up in the middle of the night and asked to sleep with Daddy.  That was huge because he always asks for me. He also has had several overnight accidents that are not like him so we know that he is very aware of what's going on.  He still remains a VERY happy little boy that thinks the world revolves around him.  hahaha 

This week since I have felt better, Grandma H picked me up Wednesday to pick up Collin at the bus stop and then watch him during swim practice.  I LOVED the reaction I got from him when he got off the bus.  He saw me, ran down the bus steps, past Grandma H, and then to me.  He stopped so that he could gently give me a hug and several kisses.  That sure did make my day. 

I have about two weeks before I start chemo. Right now, I generally look the same as I did before surgery except this one drain left.  Collin has also seen the 21 inch scar around my waist.  Otherwise, I am still the same Mommy as before.  I have not clue how he is going to react once I start chemo and the side effects start such as losing my hair.  He is a strong little boy.  We will all get through this year together as a family.